I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter and got to spend time with family and friends, while eating copious amounts of cadbury mini eggs and other yummy chocolate! 🙂
Today’s post is one that I wrote a long time ago, when I was a new mom and battling a lot of new and different emotions. I hope that it helps you momma’s, and anyone else who is struggling to know that although you may be feeling lonely in the ‘hood, you’re not alone.
Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted to do was be a mom. I was always playing with dolls and other kids, pretending to be their mothers. When I was in school and people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up my answer was always “be a 1950′s housewife with babies”. This dream came true for me when I became pregnant with Twincesses at 24 years old. Being a mom really is everything I’ve ever wanted and more, good and bad. I’m blessed to have the most beautiful, hilarious, smart, goofy, fun girls that anyone could ever want or hope for, but sometimes I’m so lonely I could cry.
I’m the only one out of all my friends who is married with kids, and I have nobody in my family with babies either. All of my cousins that do have children are in their 40’s, and their kids are all school age, so I’m lacking there too! The only people that I know who are in the same stage of life as me are a handful of acquaintances who are all very lovely, but not people that I feel I can call on when I’m losing my sh*t or covered in it, for that matter. #momlife.
I’ve tried going to playgroups at local schools in hopes to make some mom friends, but was surprised to find that the majority of the moms there are also much older than me and tend to keep to themselves. I have my husband, who is fabulous and an amazing dad, but he is not a woman, and he is not home 24/7, so try as he may, he will never understand how I’m feeling.
I think for me the hardest thing to understand and accept is that the people who I thought were my good friends really probably aren’t, and that’s the part that hurts the most. People who I used to consider my closest friends, the people who could have called me at 3am asking for a favor and I would have done it, are now the people I talk to the least and see maybe a few times a year. I see and talk to my best friend who lives in Alberta more than I see and talk to my “best friends” who live in my own city. Now I know that everyone has a busy life, so do I, but we all have the same 24 hours in a day, and all it takes is 2 seconds to send a text saying “hey, how’s it going?”. If I have twins and can take the time to text I don’t see how my so-called childless “friends” can’t.
As lonely as I sometimes feel, and as upset as I get, I am no longer willing to put in the time or effort with these “friends” anymore. Friendship is supposed to be a 2 way street, but ever since I had The Twincesses it seems to be only me doing the calling, texting, and attempting to make plans. I don’t know if people think that once you have kids that you can’t go out, but as I’ve told all of my friends MANY times, my kids do go to bed at night, and there are people who I trust to babysit them as well. I am the same sociable person I was before kids, and when I’m invited out I always go unless a)I already have plans b)I’m not feeling well or c)it’s an outdoor activity in winter (I don’t do cold!!!). I love to go out, and especially now that I spend all day with babies I NEED to go out, leave my home, and have real adult interaction beyond going to the grocery store. This is a time in my life where although I am soooooo freaking happy, I really need my friends the most and it’s mind boggling to me that they are nowhere to be found.
On the flip side, I’ve found a great community of mom friends through Instagram that I connect with even though we all live thousands of miles apart. I’ve also been blessed to re-connect with a few old friends from work and university, who are truly the most amazing women and friends that I could ask for. These are the girls that I consider to be family, the ones that I know I could call anytime for anything, and they won’t screen their phones when I call, or take days to respond to a text. And thank goodness for my sister who drives me nuts, but whom without I know that I would go completely insane. She comes over at least once a week, brings me coffee, annoys me, plays with The Twincesses and just hangs out with me. I think I’ll keep her around!
I want all the momma’s out there to know that it’s okay to feel lonely from time to time. It’s totally normal and it’s not your fault. Don’t feel guilty about it, and don’t let it ruin the precious time you have with your babies! Cherish your true friends, and as much as I’d like to tell you to act the same towards your (former) “best friends” once they join the momma club, that would be mean, and if you’re anything like me you won’t be able to. So when old or new friends pop out some kiddos be sure to text, call, and make plans with them. Show up to their homes (no surprise visits, moms hate that) with coffee or better yet, some wine, and hope that they don’t ever have to feel lonely and isolated at what is the most magical, amazing, beautiful time of their lives.